Taking orders

If people don't like to take orders, then why do they get married?

Grass on Earth

There has to be grass on the Earth. What would you sit on?

Safest animal in a zoo

The safest animal in a zoo is the one that looks like it won't kill you.

Arguing

If arguing shows low intelligence, we are all dumb.

English slang

The English language has so much slang that even if you don't know the language 100%, nobody will ever know.

Why want fame?

Don't worry if you are not famous. Look at how messed up everyone famous is and be thankful nobody knows you.

Skin deep beauty

If beauty is skin deep, then we are all ugly. Did you ever see the human body inside?

High school reunion memory loss

Everyone has memory loss. Just go to a high school renunion and see if you remember anyone.

Jumping rope

Jumping rope is easier if the rope does all of the work.

Reach for the stars

They say to reach for the stars... until the reach becomes to long and just give up.

Low wages

Don't worry if you earn a low wage. There is always someone who earns less.

Palms life line

My palms life line is so short it says I am already dead.

A new language

If people waited to learn a second language until they know their native language 100%, nobody would ever know a second language.

I don't need a bucket list

I've never done anything. So the entire world IS the bucket list.

The only hero

With all these heros in the world today, the only hero around me is my sandwich.

Intentionally bad memory

Your memory gets intentionally bad with age, because our mind does not want you to know how old you really are.

Fast good food

If fast food was good, it would be called good food not fast food.

Best dreams

The only dreams worth remembering are the good dreams. That's why we don't remember any.

Remote controls weight gain

The biggest factor contributing to weight gain is that everything today is used with remote controls.

Best losing bet

The best betting game is a game where you get paid if you lose. You will win all the time.

Expensive vacation

The most expensive vacation is going to college out of state.

Change of life

Nobody needs a change of life, just more money.

No riches

It is best most people don't understand math, or else we will all know we have no chance of getting rich.

Not lie?

How can some people believe people are not liars when we have so many actors?

Feeling small

Everyone must feel small, since most people drive big cars and trucks.

Taxes in death

With the death tax, taxes are the only thing you can't escape even in death.

Life is like candy

Life is like candy, it is sweet, then when you finish the candy you are done.

The car is the person

If the car someone has tells about the person driving it, then most people are showoffs.

Life is like chocolates

Life is like a box of chocolates, you get all the hard ones and break your teeth.

New mold

I'm so good, they didn't break the mold, they created a new one just for me.

Every second

I'm so old, every second is another chance, not day.

My two cents

My two cents on things is so useless it's worth only one cent.

Clean busses

How come some busses are cleaner than some homes?

I'm so old

I'm so old I thought I was already in my second life.

Back pain

If our backs never hurt, we wouldn't have a great excuse to take a rest all the time.

One time aging

The only thing good about getting old is that it can only happen once.

High air miles

Why be happy you have so many air miles? It means you spent a load of money.

Up and down roller coasters

A roller coaster is just like life. It has its ups and downs.

Same problems

The new place you move to has all of the problems in life also, just now they are in a different location.

Colorful crayons

Life is more colorful when we are young. When you are older, you stop using crayons.

Past lives

If dreams are indications of past lives, we must have all lived a million times already.