You can't fail

If you are good at nothing, at least people can't say you failed at something.

Use big words

Don't worry if you are not smart, people will think you are if you use a few big words in conversations which most people do not use.

Six feet under

A prolonged bad economy has now even put the grave diggers six feet under.

Best college

The best college to go to is one where you can actually pass the classes.

Old and bills

Having a lot of bills if you are old at least gives you something to do each month, as you have write out checks all the time.

The best art

If you don't understand art don't worry. The best art are the paintings that you would think are not art.

Big butts

Don't worry if you have a big butt. It keeps you warmer in the winter, and you won't hurt as much if you sitting down for a long time.

Bad at math

It is best if you are not good at math. This way you won't realize that it is impossible to save $1 million dollars in your life.

Antique furniture

If your furniture is old and can't afford newer furniture, just say you like collecting antique furniture.

Dumb down

Computers were invented to make us all feel a little dumber than we already are.

Not famous

It seems easier sometimes to be poor and not famous than have too much money and fame.

Carpool strangers

Yeah, a carpool is a lot of fun. What is next? Living with strangers?

The smartest teachers

The smartest teachers in college are the ones who teach subjects you can't understand.

Expensive IQ test

College is the most expensive and longest IQ test you will ever take.

Older fashions are in

If you have no money for clothes, just wear your old clothes from 20 years ago and tell people the older fashions are now in.

Don't look good

If you think you don't look good don't worry, just go out in public and look at other people. You will feel better.

Height fear

Don't worry if you are afraid of heights. At least you will never be stuck in a roller coaster upside down.

Halloween teeth

Having bad teeth is great for Halloween. You will save money on not having to make your teeth look scary.

Pay to be scared

Why pay to be scared on a roller coaster, when you can turn on the news and be scared for free?

Escape reality

Best job to escape reality? Actors. Every day is a new adventure and life.

Don't look up to me

If you don't want anybody looking up to you in life, just stay short.

Can't lose much

The best thing about not being rich is that you can't lose very much since you already have nothing.

Power of the remote

The TV remote is used so much by some people because that is as close as they will get to feel like they are in command of the Enterprise.

Chess

Chess: the civil way of destroying someone.

Age and sitting down

You know you are getting older when sitting down on the toilet bowl is a workout.

Low IQ don't worry

Your family will save a fortune on college cost, since you can't possibly go.

Monopoly riches

Monopoly is as close to getting rich as 99.9% of us will ever get.

Can't remember age

You are aging when you can't remember how old you are without thinking about it first.

Birthday candles and age

You are getting older when blowing out birthday cake candles feels like running a marathon.

Age and birthday candles

You know you are getting older when the birthday number candles don't go up as high as your age.

Hard tax code

The tax code is hard to understand because if it was easy, everyone would be taking all deductions.

College fund

A college fund is great to start, until you realize you can't save enough money for even the cheapest colleges.