In space

I saw so many Star Trek episodes I thought I was in space. Wait... we already are in space.

Soap operas

If everyone had an interesting life, soap operas would not exist.

Men watch TV

Men don't WATCH the TV set. They watch the women who are on the TV.

Five ways to get popular today with a music performance

Sure ways to get popular today with a music performance.

1) Wear as little clothing as possible.
2) Use a lot of props so people forget your lack of talent.
3) Do sexy moves to distract people from the singing.
4) Dress older than you really are so older people will watch.
5) Act like you really ARE good.

Only rich on game shows

You need lots of money to go on game shows. The poor get even poorer after paying the taxes on the prizes they win.

On TV

The only time I was on TV was when I filmed myself and played it back on TV.

Marketing lesson

The best marketing lesson is to hype something that does not really work.

Cartoons

I like to watch all cartoons, since the characters make me look like a genius.

Can't play sports

Don't worry if you can't play any sports, because you can always watch them on TV.

Too much TV

TV time is too much once the picture gets blurry. Oh wait, that is my eyes getting blurry.

Truth in advertising

The truth in advertising is they stretch the truth.

Award shows

Why do people keep watching award shows? They are always the same. Someone always wins and most people lose.

3D TV for house people

3D TV was invented for people who never leave the house, so they can see what the world looks like.

As seen on TV

If you seen it on TV, you will know it never works like ON TV.

Bigger TV sets

The sizes of TV sets keep getting bigger because peoples vision keeps getting worse.

TV repairs

The reason why TV repairs never work is because it is impossible to find where anything is inside a set.

Power of the remote

People use the TV remote so much because that is as close as they will get to feel like they are in command of the Enterprise.

The best TV

Finding the best TV set is easy. The best TV sets are the ones that are never on sale.