Still thrilled about coffee

How can people still be excited about having coffee in the morning? Doesn't the thrill wear off after 30 years?

Can't sing

Don't worry if you can't sing, because there are loads of other jobs. Unfortunately 99% of them all pay less.

The return envelope

If you get mail that comes with a return envelope, you know you owe something, and usually it is money.

The oldest computer

You can tell easy if someone's computer is old by seeing if their O/S came out 10 years ago.

Age and wisdom

Wisdom comes with old age, but I rather be younger and less smart.

Move that furniture

Don't worry if your furniture is old, at least it will be cheaper to move if you ever sell your house, since all you have to do is throw the furniture out.

The best TV

Finding the best TV set is easy. The best TV sets are the ones that are never on sale.

Expensive graves

Why should I spend a fortune on a grave? It is not like I will live to enjoy it anyway.

The best chair

You can tell the best and most expensive chair in someone's house easily. It is the one you are never offered to sit on.

Future clothes sizes

The largest size clothes are always in the store because they are preparing for what will soon be the future norm.

Bills on Monday

The best day to get bills in the mail is on Monday. It forces you to work hard all week after you find out how much you owe.

The best exercise

The best exercise is one that you can actually do long enough to get a benefit from.

The best gamer

Just play the game you are the best at all the time with other people. Then nobody will know you can't win at anything else.

The most exercise

The most exercise some people get is when they put new batteries in the TV remote.

Least dangerous animal

The least dangerous animal is the one that doesn't know you are there.

The best pet

The best pet is the one that can do as much as it can on its own.

Fame and teeth

The best thing about not being famous is that you can stay with bad teeth like everyone else.

A lifetime thrill

If you love thrills in life, try getting rich. It is a thrill that will last a lifetime.

Halloween and age

If you already have gray hair, at least you don't have to spend money dressing up as an old man on Halloween.

An expert at cooking

Don't worry if you are single, because you will become an expert at microwave cooking.

Singles and food

It is easy to tell the single people in a supermarket because they are the ones with 10 frozen dinners in their wagon.

Getting out of bed

You know you are getting older when getting out of bed in the morning takes a few minutes longer than getting into bed.

Remember to tie a tie

The guy that forgot how to tie a tie is wearing the button ties at 50 yrs old.

Never win

If you have bad luck with money, at least you don't have to waste a fortune on any lottery tickets, since you won't win.