Not lie?

How can some people believe people are not liars when we have so many actors?

Feeling small

Everyone must feel small, since most people drive big cars and trucks.

Taxes in death

With the death tax, taxes are the only thing you can't escape, even in death.

Life is like candy

Life is sweet like candy. Then when you finish the candy, you are done.

The car is the person

If the car someone has tells about the person driving it, then most people are showoffs.

Life is like chocolates

Life is like a box of chocolates. You get all the hard ones and break your teeth.

New mold

I'm so good, they didn't break the mold, they created a new one just for me.

Every second

I'm so old, every second is another chance, not day.

My two cents

My two cents on things is so useless it's worth only one cent.

I'm so old

I'm so old, I thought I was already in my second life.

Back pain

If our backs never hurt, we wouldn't have a great excuse to take a rest all the time.

One time aging

The only thing good about getting old is that it can only happen once.

High air miles

Why be happy you have so many air miles? It means you spent a load of money.

Up and down roller coasters

A roller coaster is just like life with its ups and downs.

Same problems

The new place you move to has all of the problems in life also. Now they are just in a different location.

Colorful crayons

Life is more colorful when we are young. When you are older, you stop using crayons.

Past lives

If dreams are indications of past lives, we must have all lived a million times already.

The best change

Change is only good in life if the change is better.

Green grass

Grass is green because if it were any other color you would never sit on it.

Sugar energy

Sugar is in foods, because if it were not, people would be even more lazier than they are now.

Green lights

Traffic lights are green because money is green and you want to follow the money.

Easy life

Life has to be hard. If it were easy, you would get bored.

Longer life

Why complain life goes by too fast. If it went much slower, we would all be broke.

Screw lose

He has a screw lose. His tooth crown and post came off.

Great life

The secret formula to a great life is simple; luck.

High IQ

Some people have a very high IQ because the average person in the world makes them look way smarter.

The calculator

Nobody is really good at math, that's why calculators were invented.

The best bet to make

The best bet to make is one that says you won't win.

Expert cook

If someone's food at home was so good, they would be a chef and be getting paid for it.

Painting by numbers

So what is the next level down when you can't even paint by numbers?

Fortunes

Inheriting a fortune is usually the only fortune you will have in life.

Pets and humans

The only reason why pets like us is because they don't know any better.

Your double

The best thing about a multiverse is that if you didn't make it in this life, maybe you made it in the other universe.

Easy math

Math seems easy when you are young, until you find out numbers go way past 100.

Baseball hits

Baseball seems easy until you realize you can't hit anything.

Golf clubs

The most difficult part of golf is being able to afford to buy the clubs.

Try again

Always start baking a few hours earlier, so when the first batch does not work out, you have plenty of time to keep trying.

Song names

The hardest thing about classical music is not playing it, but how to pronounce all the arias in the operas.

Messy pies

If you are a messy person, just eat pies all the time.

Bowling

Bowling is only 10 frames because it is impossible to keep lifting the ball for 15 or 20 frames.

Winning at pool

With so many different types of pool games, how can you not be able to find one you can win at.

Latest hats

The good thing about hats is that no one hat style is ever in, so you can wear any hat you want.

It is worse

Life could be worse, and usually it is.

TV dinners

TV dinners were invented because nobody really knows how to cook.

Comatose

We are all comatose, because nobody really knows what they are doing.

Chicken or the egg

This question is just like the Universe, because nobody really knows what was there first either.

Cookie monster

We are all a cookie monster. Who wouldn't like great tasting cookies?

Chicken Little

We all become a Chicken Little when scared. The Chicken is for being afraid and the Little is for being reduced in size.

We owe them

The interest rates are so low today on savings accounts that we actually owe them money.

180 degree turn around

It is called a 180 turn around because 1 is starting at the beginning, 8 is the turning around, 0 is what you have if you fail.

Buy grades

The way things are today, you can't even afford to buy grades.

Green money

Money is green, because if it were blue, you would be sad looking at it and not want it.

Math

Mathematically speaking, math is hard.

Baking smarts

Baking is so hard that even baking a cake is not a piece of cake.

Lesson 101

It is called lesson 101 because that is how many times it will take to learn it.

Being cool

We all think we are cool until we meet someone who is cooler and then realize we never were.

Money talks

If money talks, then how come it doesn't tell us how to get more of it?

Long days

Every day is a long day except if it is a good day.

Bad luck

Everyone has bad luck, but some people are not smart enough to notice it.

Barbecue smarts

If you just act like you know what you are doing at the barbecue, people will think you really do.

Absent-minded

"You are absent-minded" is just a nice way of telling someone they are getting old.

Hard golf

Golf looks easy at home, until you find out you can't even hit the ball with the club.

Childbirth

It is called childbirth because what other name could you call it?

Perfect health

If chocolate were a vegetable, we would all have perfect health.

Chapter 11

It is called chapter 11 because the first 1 means a start, and two ones mean the end.

Weight lifting

Weight lifting seems easy until you realize lifting even 10 pounds for long is impossible.

Smart dogs

If dogs were smart, they would think we are idiots.

Learn from children

The best thing you can learn from children is to stay young.

Wrong numbers

People still haven't learned to read numbers yet or else we would have no wrong numbers dialed.

Stop signs

What part of the word STOP in a stop sign do people not understand?

Talking dogs

Don't wish your dog could talk, because they would probably complain more than people do.

Camping trips

The best camping trip is one which has the least amount of bugs around.

Bank accounts

Everyone has bank trouble, because we don't enough money in our bank account.

Art and science

Art and science are the same thing because learning either is an art and a science in itself.

Air miles

Just think of how much our air miles would go up if we could travel to the Moon once in awhile.

Animal noises

The safest animal noises are the ones that you can't hear.

Boat names

Boat names are always tough because it makes you forget the slim chances you have if you get lost at sea.

Hide the birth certificate

The birth certificate is always hidden in everyone's house because we don't want to know how much time we have left.

Being polite

Being polite only works with other polite people.

Clever dogs

There are clever dogs because some people are not clever enough to know they are actually smarter.

Keeps it away

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but how do you keep the other people away that you rather not see?

Brainless people

How can anyone call someone brainless? Since we all have a brain, the person calling someone brainless is brainless.

Concerned people

Most of us are concerned people. We are concerned that we won't have a dime left when we are old.

Choosing a school

Choosing a college is simple if you just pick one where they actually want you.

Paint drying

Many things in life are like paint drying, with the best example of trying to get rich.

Checkbooks

It is called a checkbook because you always have to check if you have any money left after all the bills are paid each month.

Alligators

Who wouldn't fear an alligator when something is charging out of the water that looks like you are its target.

Paint colors

How many different shades of white and other colors do we really need when choosing a paint color?

Be prepared

People always say be prepared, but usually it's for the bad news that lies ahead.

Slow camels

If camels moved any slower, it would be like they are in a time warp.

Cured colds

You are cured of the cold, finally, just until the next thing hits you.

Coffee kinds

Why be fussy on coffee types? Most people buy it just to wake up in the morning, not for the taste.

Setting clocks

Isn't setting the clocks ahead and back in the spring and fall really just a test of patience?

Twins

Twins don't have to face themselves ever. They just have to look at their twin instead.

Best clothing fashion

The best clothing fashion is the one you can afford.

Summer jobs

Summer jobs are summer jobs because nobody wants to do them all year round.

Try again

Always try again at something, until you realize you can't do it and quit.

Choices

We all have choices in life, but unfortunately most of the other choices are impossible to do.

Bets

The only bet worth making is a bet you will win.

Bow ties

Never mind how do you tie a tie, how do you put on a bow tie?

Brainless

There are brainless laws because the people who make the laws think we really are brainless.

Breakfast fast

Breakfast is called breakfast because you are taking a break and eating fast before you leave for work.

Golf experience

They say choose a good caddy in golf, but If you know nothing about golf that means pick anyone.

Golf swing

The reason why people use a golf caddy is so they can blame someone when the ball goes in the trees.

What driver

So how do we know who is more dangerous? The old driver who lost his mind or the young driver who doesn't know how to drive?

First haircut

Don't worry about the first haircut, because about every other first thing in life is much worse.

First aid

We all need first aid or aid first, so Is that why there is no second aid?

Forget English lessons

How come we all forget our English lessons all of a sudden when we go online?

No funeral

I hate funerals so much that I am not even going to my own.

Deers have arrived

Deers have arrived, because they are the only animal that has their own sign on the roads.

Moving back

Moving out is a great idea, until you find out it is impossible to afford to live on your own.

Cheaper pets

The pet that cost as little as possible to own is always the best pet.

Those jobs open

It is easy to find a job in a bad economy because the jobs nobody wants are always open.

Least rotten candy

My favorite candy is the one that rots your teeth the least.

Forgive and forget

Forgive and forget only works when you are younger, before you realize everyone is no good.

Funny money

It is called funny money because the money knows you will never get enough of it and is laughing at you.

Hard songs

A piano seems easy, until you find out a lot of songs you won't be able to play well even after a 100 years.

Fire sales

It is called a fire sale because most of the things look like they have been in a fire.

Drivers

Why expect someone to take care of an animal well when most people can't even drive the right way.

Dream future

If dreams predict our future, we are probably all in trouble.

Easy music instrument

Don't worry about choosing the right music instrument to play, because they are all impossibly hard to learn.

Childish thinking

Why is childish thinking a bad thing? It keeps you younger and you forget how old you are.

UFOs normal

If an alien UFO travels here, after seeing this world, they probably think they are normal and we are the aliens.

Civil world

If every person acted civil, lawyers would be out of business.

No stamp

A return envelope with bills is nice, but how about paying for the stamp instead?

Dreams

Dreams come true, but usually though only the bad ones.

Yard sales

The only chance most of us have getting rich is finding something valuable in a yard sale.

Halloween

The way the world is going today, Halloween is going to be called just "trick" without the treat.

Stress diet

A stress diet? Life and a diet itself are stress to begin with.

Acting

Acting sounds easy until you find out that it was much easier in dreams instead.

Self defense

Self defense is great to know, until you find out you are outmatched most all the time.

What area

It is called Area 51 so you can't remember the number.

They will come

They will come if you build it, except in this current economy.

Rainbow in a box

You can see a rainbow anytime you want by just buying a box of crayons.

Taste of foods

Why did it work out this way that all the foods that are good for you don't taste that good?

Tax pain

Paying taxes are part of life, so even if you have a great one, you can still suffer just a little like everyone else.

Final exams

A final exam is called a final exam because if you don't pass it you are done.

Two places at once

We don't need a multiverse because we already exist in multiple places at the same time in dreams.

The dinner bell

Dogs and people are similar because they both come running when you mention the word food or dinner.

Dog smarts

Dogs aren't dumb, because they are smart enough to get someone to take care of them that is not even related to them.

Blind dates

It is called a blind date because maybe it is best if you don't see the person.

Arguments

The best argument is one that you will win.

The best photography

We all think we are great photographers, until we leave our photography blog and look at others.

Bowling balls

Understanding bowling is easy, but the hardest part is lifting the ball.

Nobody left in present

If it were possible to go back in time to correct our past mistakes, nobody would be left in the present.

Cemetery future

Nobody wants to see their future, or else the cemeteries would be full of living people.

Lowest stress

If life were as comfortable as our beds, the stress levels would be in a negative ranges.

Bingo

BINGO is as close as most of us will ever get to winning a major lottery.

Child's play

Everything seems child's play until you get older and find out you can't do anything easy.

Great basketball

We can all play basketball great, as long as it is one on none.

Turn back the scale

Turning back the scale a few pounds helps, but what do you do when you can't turn it back any further.

No luck

If you have no luck, why not bet then that you will lose? You will be rich.

Second languages

The problem is not the amount of words you need to know to speak a second language, it is whether you can live long enough to actually learn it.

Time warp

Turning our clocks back in the fall is as close as we will get to going back in time.

Best bus

The best bus is not the newest, it is the one that actually has an empty seat to sit in.

Slow camel

If only we were allowed to move as slow as camels, our stress levels would go down to zero.

Easy weather forecast

If you can't predict the weather with accuracy, all you have to do is move where it is sunny every day.

Global warming

The forecast wasn't wrong because of me, it is because of global warming.

Diagrams

The real IQ test is if you can understand those directions that come in boxes to assembly things.