Animals look

Animals look at us strangely because they wonder how the human race is still alive after thousands of years.

Sleeping at work

You weren't sleeping at work, you were just praying.

Monday off

Having Monday off from work will not do any good, because you will then just hate Tuesday when you have to go back to work.

Don't give up dreams

Never give up on a dream... wait... there is only so much time left, hurry.

Accepting you

You don't need someone willing to accept you in life. You need someone willing to put up with you.

Insanity suffer

How can you SUFFER from insanity? They have an advantage of not knowing how bad everything really is in the world.

Work hard

You have to work hard so the millions of people who don't work can afford to live.

Crazy Earth

Earth is where the Universe put all of the crazy people.

Not born smart

People are not born smart in order to not know how bad life really is.

Over the hill

It is always best to be over the hill rather than under one.

Handicap parking

Everyone has some handicap in life, that's why everyone parks in handicap parking.

Music to life

If everyone had music playing to their life, it would be a constant requiem.

Smiling people

The people that smile all the time just don't know what is going on in the world.

Take life seriously

Don't take life too seriously, because you will not get out alive anyway.

Handle on life

The only handles that people have is not on life but love handles on their stomachs.

Ready made dough

The ready made dough for cookies is for the 99% of us who can't bake.

Picked the wrong guy

Don't worry if you marry the wrong guy, just believe in reincarnation and you will have plenty of more chances at it.

Taller than you

Self defense is good to know, until you see the other guy is taller than you, then just run.

Faster Internet speeds

Why do they keep making the Internet speed faster? What are we all downloading, all the worlds history?

Terrible economy

Don't worry, the economy can always be worse. On second thought... maybe it can't be.

Sales?

There is really no such thing as a sale because everything is still expensive anyway.

First aid mistake

Nobody gives first aid, because if they do CPR wrong, THEY are the one who will be dead instead.

Life pass you by

Why not let life pass you by? The chance of getting rich is almost 0%.

Everyone will feel good

When poor becomes IN rather than rich, then 99% of the population will finally feel good.

I'm so poor

I'm so poor, that I am not just a penny pincher, I am also a nickle, dime, and quarter pincher too.

Fast life

My life went by so fast that I didn't even know it started yet.

Two feet in

I'm so old, I don't have one foot in the grave, I have two.