Ridiculing Humor

Friday, October 16, 2015

I'm only a chauvinist against people who don't like me.

After graduation, life is over... unless you get a job.

Are Harvard light bulbs the best made in their class?

Why would you want to be a frat boy? It means you are a BOY.

Be thankful the potholes are never fixed on some streets, because the car repair shops would make a lot less money.

Santa must not make a lot of money, because he doesn't have any other outfits than that big red one.

How come the original Santa Claus never sued the others for impersonation?

Santa Claus is coming to town. But which town? They never tell you.

How come some buses are cleaner than some homes?

A backup plan is nice to have until you realize those won't work either.

I only need a bookkeeper for keeping my reading books, not for money.

I never observe bank holidays because I have no money.

My mattress is so old that my body print IS now the mattress.

I aged so fast that it felt like I was never here to begin with.

My memory is failing so fast that I wound up having three breakfasts in one day.

The cane was invented to pull people like me off the stage. But I never even made it to the stage.

I'm so old, I set my clock back two hours instead of one for daylight savings time, just to slow the aging even more.

High air miles mean you just spent a lot of time doing nothing.

Luck only comes to those who are lucky.

An airport is just a test to see if you know your surroundings.