Drivers

Why expect someone to take care of an animal well when most people can't even drive the right way.

Dream future

If dreams predict our future, we are probably all in trouble.

Easy music instrument

Don't worry about choosing the right music instrument to play, because they are all impossibly hard to learn.

Childish thinking

Why is childish thinking a bad thing? It keeps you younger and you forget how old you are.

UFOs normal

If an alien UFO travels here, after seeing this world, they probably think they are normal and we are the aliens.

Civil world

If every person acted civil, lawyers would be out of business.

No stamp

A return envelope with bills is nice, but how about paying for the stamp instead?

Dreams

Dreams come true, but usually though only the bad ones.

Yard sales

The only chance most of us have getting rich is finding something valuable in a yard sale.

Halloween

The way the world is going today, Halloween is going to be called just "trick" without the treat.

Stress diet

A stress diet? Life and a diet itself are stress to begin with.

Acting

Acting sounds easy until you find out that it was much easier in dreams instead.

Self defense

Self defense is great to know, until you find out you are outmatched most all the time.

What area

It is called Area 51 so you can't remember the number.

They will come

They will come if you build it, except in this current economy.

Rainbow in a box

You can see a rainbow anytime you want by just buying a box of crayons.

Taste of foods

Why did it work out this way that all the foods that are good for you don't taste that good?

Tax pain

Paying taxes are part of life, so even if you have a great one, you can still suffer just a little like everyone else.

Final exams

A final exam is called a final exam because if you don't pass it you are done.

Two places at once

We don't need a multiverse because we already exist in multiple places at the same time in dreams.

The dinner bell

Dogs and people are similar because they both come running when you mention the word food or dinner.

Dog smarts

Dogs aren't dumb, because they are smart enough to get someone to take care of them that is not even related to them.

Blind dates

It is called a blind date because maybe it is best if you don't see the person.

Arguments

The best argument is one that you will win.

The best photography

We all think we are great photographers, until we leave our photography blog and look at others.

Bowling balls

Understanding bowling is easy, but the hardest part is lifting the ball.

Nobody left in present

If it were possible to go back in time to correct our past mistakes, nobody would be left in the present.

Cemetery future

Nobody wants to see their future, or else the cemeteries would be full of living people.

Lowest stress

If life were as comfortable as our beds, the stress levels would be in a negative ranges.

Bingo

BINGO is as close as most of us will ever get to winning a major lottery.

Child's play

Everything seems child's play until you get older and find out you can't do anything easy.

Great basketball

We can all play basketball great, as long as it is one on none.

Turn back the scale

Turning back the scale a few pounds helps, but what do you do when you can't turn it back any further.

No luck

If you have no luck, why not bet then that you will lose? You will be rich.

Second languages

The problem is not the amount of words you need to know to speak a second language, it is whether you can live long enough to actually learn it.

Time warp

Turning our clocks back in the fall is as close as we will get to going back in time.

Best bus

The best bus is not the newest, it is the one that actually has an empty seat to sit in.

Slow camel

If only we were allowed to move as slow as camels, our stress levels would go down to zero.

Easy weather forecast

If you can't predict the weather with accuracy, all you have to do is move where it is sunny every day.

Global warming

The forecast wasn't wrong because of me, it is because of global warming.

Diagrams

The real IQ test is if you can understand those directions that come in boxes to assembly things.

You can't fail

If you are good at nothing, at least people can't say you failed at something.

Six feet under

A prolonged bad economy has now even put the grave diggers six feet under.

Best college

The best college to go to is one where you can actually pass the classes.

Old and bills

Having a lot of bills if you are old keeps you good at math by writing out checks all the time.

The best art

If you don't understand art, don't worry, because the best art is the paintings that you would think are not art.

Bad at math

It is best if you are not good at math, this way you won't realize that it is impossible to save $1 million dollars in your life.

Antique furniture

If your furniture is old and can't afford newer furniture, just say you like collecting antique furniture.

Dumb down

Computers were invented to make us all feel a little dumber than we already are.

The smartest teachers

The smartest teachers in college are the ones who teach subjects you can't understand.

Expensive IQ test

College is the most expensive and longest IQ test you will ever take.

Older fashions are in

If you have no money for new clothes all the time, just wear your old clothes from 20 years ago and tell people the older fashions are now in.

Don't look good

If you don't look as good as you like to, just go out in public and look at other people, you will feel better.

Height fear

If you are afraid of heights, don't worry, at least you will never be stuck in a roller coaster upside down.

Halloween teeth

Having bad teeth is great for Halloween because you will save money on not having to make your teeth look scary.