Insanity suffer

How can you SUFFER from insanity? They have an advantage of not knowing how bad everything really is in the world.

Work hard

You have to work hard so the millions of people who don't work can afford to live.

Crazy Earth

Earth is where the Universe put all of the crazy people.

Not born smart

People are not born smart in order to not know how bad life really is.

Over the hill

It is always best to be over the hill rather than under one.

Handicap parking

Everyone has some handicap in life, that's why everyone parks in handicap parking.

Music to life

If everyone had music playing to their life, it would be a constant requiem.

Smiling people

The people that smile all the time just don't know what is going on in the world.

Take life seriously

Don't take life too seriously, because you will not get out alive anyway.

Handle on life

The only handles that people have is not on life but love handles on their stomachs.

Ready made dough

The ready made dough for cookies is for the 99% of us who can't bake.

Picked the wrong guy

Don't worry if you marry the wrong guy, just believe in reincarnation and you will have plenty of more chances at it.

Taller than you

Self defense is good to know, until you see the other guy is taller than you, then just run.

Faster Internet speeds

Why do they keep making the Internet speed faster? What are we all downloading, all the worlds history?

Terrible economy

Don't worry, the economy can always be worse. On second thought... maybe it can't be.

Sales?

There is really no such thing as a sale because everything is still expensive anyway.

First aid mistake

Nobody gives first aid, because if they do CPR wrong, THEY are the one who will be dead instead.

Life pass you by

Why not let life pass you by? The chance of getting rich is almost 0%.

Everyone will feel good

When poor becomes IN rather than rich, then 99% of the population will finally feel good.

I'm so poor

I'm so poor, that I am not just a penny pincher, I am also a nickle, dime, and quarter pincher too.

Fast life

My life went by so fast that I didn't even know it started yet.

Two feet in

I'm so old, I don't have one foot in the grave, I have two.

Taking orders

If people don't like to take orders, then why do they get married?

Grass on Earth

There has to be grass on the Earth. What would you sit on?

Safest animal in a zoo

The safest animal in a zoo is the one that looks like it won't kill you.

Arguing

If arguing shows low intelligence, we are all dumb.

English slang

The English language has so much slang that even if you don't know the language 100%, nobody will ever know.

Why want fame?

Don't worry if you are not famous. Look at how messed up everyone famous is and be thankful nobody knows you.

Skin deep beauty

If beauty is skin deep, then we are all ugly. Did you ever see the human body inside?

High school reunion memory loss

Everyone has memory loss. Just go to a high school reunion and see if you remember anyone.

Jumping rope

Jumping rope is easier if the rope does all of the work.

Reach for the stars

They say to reach for the stars... until the reach becomes to long and you just give up.

Low wages

Don't worry if you earn a low wage. There is always someone who earns less.

Palm's life line

My palm's life line is so short it says I am already dead.

A new language

If people waited to learn a second language until they know their native language 100%, nobody would ever know a second language.

I don't need a bucket list

I've never done anything in life, so the entire world IS the bucket list.

The only hero

With all these heroes in the world today, the only hero around me is my sandwich.

Intentionally bad memory

Your memory gets intentionally bad with age because our mind does not want you to know how old you really are.

Fast good food

If fast food were good, it would be called good food, not fast food.

Best dreams

The only dreams worth remembering are the good dreams, that's why we don't remember any.

Remote controls weight gain

The biggest factor contributing to weight gain is that everything today is used with remote controls.

Best losing bet

The best betting game is a game where you get paid if you lose. You will win all the time.

Expensive vacation

The most expensive vacation is going to college out of state.

Change of life

Nobody needs a change of life, just more money.

No riches

It is best most people don't understand math or else we will all know we have no chance of getting rich.

Not lie?

How can some people believe people are not liars when we have so many actors?

Feeling small

Everyone must feel small, since most people drive big cars and trucks.

Taxes in death

With the death tax, taxes are the only thing you can't escape, even in death.

Life is like candy

Life is sweet like candy. Then when you finish the candy, you are done.

The car is the person

If the car someone has tells about the person driving it, then most people are showoffs.

Life is like chocolates

Life is like a box of chocolates. You get all the hard ones and break your teeth.

New mold

I'm so good, they didn't break the mold, they created a new one just for me.

Every second

I'm so old, every second is another chance, not day.

My two cents

My two cents on things is so useless it's worth only one cent.

I'm so old

I'm so old, I thought I was already in my second life.