Still thrilled about coffee

How can people still be excited about having coffee in the morning? Doesn't the thrill wear off after 30 years?

Can't sing

Don't worry if you can't sing, because there are loads of other jobs. Unfortunately 99% of them all pay less.

The return envelope

If you get mail that comes with a return envelope, you know you owe something, and usually it is money.

The oldest computer

You can tell easy if someone's computer is old by seeing if their O/S came out 10 years ago.

Age and wisdom

Wisdom comes with old age, but I rather be younger and less smart.

Move that furniture

Don't worry if your furniture is old, at least it will be cheaper to move if you ever sell your house, since all you have to do is throw the furniture out.

The best TV

Finding the best TV set is easy. The best TV sets are the ones that are never on sale.

Expensive graves

Why should I spend a fortune on a grave? It is not like I will live to enjoy it anyway.

The best chair

You can tell the best and most expensive chair in someone's house easily. It is the one you are never offered to sit on.

Future clothes sizes

The largest size clothes are always in the store because they are preparing for what will soon be the future norm.

Bills on Monday

The best day to get bills in the mail is on Monday. It forces you to work hard all week after you find out how much you owe.

The best exercise

The best exercise is one that you can actually do long enough to get a benefit from.

The best gamer

Just play the game you are the best at all the time with other people. Then nobody will know you can't win at anything else.

The most exercise

The most exercise some people get is when they put new batteries in the TV remote.

Least dangerous animal

The least dangerous animal is the one that doesn't know you are there.

The best pet

The best pet is the one that can do as much as it can on its own.

Fame and teeth

The best thing about not being famous is that you can stay with bad teeth like everyone else.

A lifetime thrill

If you love thrills in life, try getting rich. It is a thrill that will last a lifetime.

Halloween and age

If you already have gray hair, at least you don't have to spend money dressing up as an old man on Halloween.

An expert at cooking

Don't worry if you are single, because you will become an expert at microwave cooking.

Singles and food

It is easy to tell the single people in a supermarket because they are the ones with 10 frozen dinners in their wagon.

Getting out of bed

You know you are getting older when getting out of bed in the morning takes a few minutes longer than getting into bed.

Remember to tie a tie

The guy that forgot how to tie a tie is wearing the button ties at 50 yrs old.

Never win

If you have bad luck with money, at least you don't have to waste a fortune on any lottery tickets, since you won't win.

Crazy game handles

Why do people make bizarre game handles for online games? Why would you want everyone to know that you really ARE crazy?

Wake me up

Coffee was invented because nobody can wake up in the morning.

The biggest shopping

Beware of people food shopping with full wagons and are moving slow, because these are the people that go shopping once a month and have $400 of food to ring up.

How can dogs be smarter

How can dogs be smarter than horses? What smart animal would lay on dirty floors, lick strangers, and drink from toilet water?

Not that egg carton

The best eggs are in the cartons that are not half open and dripping egg yokes from the sides.

Funeral weather

The worst timing you can have for a funeral is on a bright sunny summer day when everyone outside is happy.

Relax before the stress

They play slow music when you call customer service to try to relax people before the angry calls come.

I can wear more hat sizes now

One advantage of going bald is that you can now also wear the smaller hats.

I don't spell the words wrong

I don't spell the bigger words wrong, I just abbreviate everything.

Work forever

What do you want to do in life? You mean how would you like to waste over 100,000 hours of your life.

Saving helps

Saving and cutting back on things helps they say. Now where do you get the other 99% of the money for the bills you need?

SSN number and age

You know you are getting older when your SSN is as hard to remember as an online password is.

Save on shampoo

Don't worry about going bald, because you will save a fortune on shampoo.

Gray hair

Some gray hair is a sign of wisdom. All gray hair means the end of your dating life.

Sit near the calm people

Sit near the calm people in computer class. People who know nothing about a computer are always the nervous ones.

Don't break your skull

They always tell you to be careful because you don't want to break your skull on the ice. Don't I already know that breaking my skull would not be good thing for me?

Ice in the cemetery

The only good thing about slipping on the ice in the winter in a cemetery is that it is convenient for the grave diggers.

Don't be nervous

Don't be nervous they say when taking a driving test. Only your entire life depends on being able to drive though.

How can I not get my licence

How can I not get my drivers licence? If 100 year old people are driving, how can I be turned down?

Someone is always older

Don't worry if you are getting old, because someone is always older than you are.

Floor is not leveled

You didn't gain weight on the scale, the floor is just not level.

No best diet

There is no best diet because the best one is always the latest fad that is in.

Why measure your IQ

Why worry if you are smart? Chances are most people you talk to in life will be far less smarter than you are anyway.

Nothing is left

It is easier to check your bank statements now, since chances are you don't have much money in the bank left.

Save those dollars

Saving $1 a week in a bank helps. Now how do you live 500 years so you actually have something significant?

You'll live with bad teeth

You'll live with bad teeth, you will just go broke and dateless fixing them.

Easy choosing foods that are good

How do you live a longer life? Eat the foods that taste bad. Those are usually the best foods for your health.

The food taste good but...

Why did it happen this way that all the foods that taste so good kill you off early in life if you eat too much of them?

Sit near the front in computer class

Sit near the front of the class if you need help. The people who know it all are not afraid to sit near the teacher.

Make computer classes easier

Just sit near someone who looks like they never leave their house. They probably know more than you about computers.

Going bald and saving money

Why feel sorry for someone going bald? They are saving a fortune on haircuts each year.