Fast good food

If fast food were good, it would be called good food, not fast food.

Best dreams

The only dreams worth remembering are the good dreams, that's why we don't remember any.

Remote controls weight gain

The biggest factor contributing to weight gain is that everything today is used with remote controls.

Best losing bet

The best betting game is a game where you get paid if you lose. You will win all the time.

Expensive vacation

The most expensive vacation is going to college out of state.

Change of life

Nobody needs a change of life, just more money.

No riches

It is best most people don't understand math or else we will all know we have no chance of getting rich.

Not lie?

How can some people believe people are not liars when we have so many actors?

Feeling small

Everyone must feel small, since most people drive big cars and trucks.

Taxes in death

With the death tax, taxes are the only thing you can't escape, even in death.

Life is like candy

Life is sweet like candy. Then when you finish the candy, you are done.

The car is the person

If the car someone has tells about the person driving it, then most people are showoffs.

Life is like chocolates

Life is like a box of chocolates. You get all the hard ones and break your teeth.

New mold

I'm so good, they didn't break the mold, they created a new one just for me.

Every second

I'm so old, every second is another chance, not day.

My two cents

My two cents on things is so useless it's worth only one cent.

I'm so old

I'm so old, I thought I was already in my second life.

Back pain

If our backs never hurt, we wouldn't have a great excuse to take a rest all the time.

One time aging

The only thing good about getting old is that it can only happen once.

High air miles

Why be happy you have so many air miles? It means you spent a load of money.

Up and down roller coasters

A roller coaster is just like life with its ups and downs.

Same problems

The new place you move to has all of the problems in life also. Now they are just in a different location.

Colorful crayons

Life is more colorful when we are young. When you are older, you stop using crayons.

Past lives

If dreams are indications of past lives, we must have all lived a million times already.

The best change

Change is only good in life if the change is better.

Green grass

Grass is green because if it were any other color you would never sit on it.

Sugar energy

Sugar is in foods, because if it were not, people would be even more lazier than they are now.

Green lights

Traffic lights are green because money is green and you want to follow the money.

Easy life

Life has to be hard. If it were easy, you would get bored.

Longer life

Why complain life goes by too fast. If it went much slower, we would all be broke.

Screw lose

He has a screw lose. His tooth crown and post came off.

Great life

The secret formula to a great life is simple; luck.

High IQ

Some people have a very high IQ because the average person in the world makes them look way smarter.

The calculator

Nobody is really good at math, that's why calculators were invented.

The best bet to make

The best bet to make is one that says you won't win.

Expert cook

If someone's food at home was so good, they would be a chef and be getting paid for it.

Painting by numbers

So what is the next level down when you can't even paint by numbers?

Fortunes

Inheriting a fortune is usually the only fortune you will have in life.

Pets and humans

The only reason why pets like us is because they don't know any better.

Your double

The best thing about a multiverse is that if you didn't make it in this life, maybe you made it in the other universe.

Easy math

Math seems easy when you are young, until you find out numbers go way past 100.

Baseball hits

Baseball seems easy until you realize you can't hit anything.

Golf clubs

The most difficult part of golf is being able to afford to buy the clubs.

Try again

Always start baking a few hours earlier, so when the first batch does not work out, you have plenty of time to keep trying.

Song names

The hardest thing about classical music is not playing it, but how to pronounce all the arias in the operas.

Messy pies

If you are a messy person, just eat pies all the time.

Bowling

Bowling is only 10 frames because it is impossible to keep lifting the ball for 15 or 20 frames.

Winning at pool

With so many different types of pool games, how can you not be able to find one you can win at.

Latest hats

The good thing about hats is that no one hat style is ever in, so you can wear any hat you want.

It is worse

Life could be worse, and usually it is.

TV dinners

TV dinners were invented because nobody really knows how to cook.

Comatose

We are all comatose, because nobody really knows what they are doing.

Chicken or the egg

This question is just like the Universe, because nobody really knows what was there first either.

Cookie monster

We are all a cookie monster. Who wouldn't like great tasting cookies?

Chicken Little

We all become a Chicken Little when scared. The Chicken is for being afraid and the Little is for being reduced in size.